(This is one of my most positively received pieces.  Stay with it.  And stay with the language at the end – it is there for a very specific reason.  And yes, this is very much a Christmas meditation.  Anything I can do to jar folks out of the crass, commercialized neo-pagan economic event of tomorrow and get them to return to the Nativity of Our Lord, I will do.)

In my video in which I burned the Koran, I bookmarked the various pages with strips of raw bacon. Why did I do this? Is it because I actually believed that I was thumbing my nose at a non-existent pagan moon deity? Nope. People, there is NO SUCH THING AS “ALLAH”, so therefore what sense would it make for me to “offend” or “bait” a non-existent entity?

And a book is just a book. The paper is made out of tree cellulose and the ink is made out of petroleum and probably some sort of soy derivative. The bacon itself was composed of muscle tissue, fat tissue and connective tissue. The components of these tissues are water, protein, fatty acids and collagen. Break it down further and we’re talking carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen in various configurations. Touching a piece of bacon, or any piece of pork or pigskin to a book does not result in anything except making a bit of a greasy mess of the book. No pagan moon deity is roused from slumber and filled with murderous wrath. Do you know why? Because THERE IS NO PAGAN MOON DEITY.

So why did I bookmark my koran with bacon? Because it was WITTY. Because it pointed up the absurdity of the West’s groveling before musloid superstitions – specifically the U.S. Military’s rules and protocol for handling korans, namely handling with the right hand only, and preferably with the hand or hands gloved.

Yeah, because the people who actually use toilet paper and DON’T wipe their butts with their bare left hands are the ones with the “dirty hands”. You betcha, General Petraeus.

Question: Why don’t we issue the gloves that our military are supposed to wear when handling korans to the musloids themselves, and then the musloids can use the gloves to wipe their butts, and then won’t have to go through life with feces-encrusted metacarpi? Is it just me, or does that not make a LOT more sense? I was going to crack wise at this point about “exiting the Stone Age”, but you know, I don’t think Stone Age peoples wiped their anal sphincters with their bare hands. I think they used vegetation. Heck, even dogs know to work the “drag”.

This is also why I don’t go for any of the “shoot them with pork bullets” stuff. Whether or not a bullet was coated in pork blood or grease has nothing to do with anything, and I really don’t think that it is healthy or constructive for Christendom to stoop to the level of musloid superstitious stupidity by giving credence to these ridiculous myths.

Pork grease doesn’t condemn people to hell. “allah” doesn’t condemn people to hell. There is no “allah”. People, at the end of the day, send themselves to hell through their rejection of Jesus Christ manifested in their deeds and choices in this life. Yes, Christ is the Judge of all man and their deeds, but His Mercy is also infinite and available to all men. Men go to hell because they reject Christ and His Infinite Mercy. Whether or not a person was in physical contact with pork or a pork byproduct at the moment of death is utterly meaningless.

I run into this kind of foolishness amongst Christians fairly regularly (insomuch as some of these sects, which, let’s face it, are so utterly far afield that they can’t really be considered Christian in any honest sense, even though Our Lord’s name and a cross may be displayed prominently on the neon sign out front). I had a client tell me once that anyone who is cremated goes to hell because there has to be a body to be resurrected at the Final Judgment. If there is no body to resurrect, the person is disqualified from Christ’s Mercy and isn’t “saved”. Period. No matter what.

Riiiiiiiiight. Because GOD ALMIGHTY is completely hamstrung by the physical laws of the universe. He has no power over matter or energy. He knits every person together in their mother’s womb, cell by cell, molecule by molecule, atom by atom, but He can’t put a person back together. Riiiiight. And so, for example, all of the people who were killed in the jets that hit the World Trade Center and were incinerated just go straight to hell no matter what, according to these geniuses. Because the same Jesus that they claim to love and know so well would do that. Nah, it doesn’t matter what anyone did, believed or professed in life. Nah. If you’re on a plane that gets flown into a skyscraper you’re hellbound and down because your body was involuntarily cremated. And that goes for all of the soldiers and pilots who have been killed in war and had their bodies burned to ash. Sorry, boys! Infinite love and power only goes so far!

Here is a little rule of thumb I use to help me think through such questions: GOD IS SMART, SO DON’T EVER TREAT HIM LIKE HE IS STUPID. Do you see how this ties back to the musloid pork superstitions? Islam is intrinsically stupid because its founders and especially its followers were and are stupid, and so it is not surprising that the musloid fake deity, “allah”, is also stupid.

Their argument is that if a soldier fighting in jihad for “allah” should be shot with a pork-laced bullet, he goes to hell – even though he had no control whatsoever over the pork bullet or his death. Because the allegedly all-powerful “allah” is powerless against the crazy magic voodoo ju-ju of . . . pork products. See how that works? It’s called stupid. Slackjawed, mouthbreathing stupid.

And now a name and event that every single person should know: Thomas Vander Woude. On September 8, ARSH 2008 Thomas Vander Woude, aged 66, was working in his back yard with his seventh and youngest child, Joseph. “Josie” was 20 years old at the time, and did everything with his Dad. Josie was born with Down Syndrome. After finishing up cleaning the family’s swimming pool, Josie walked through the back yard toward his Dad who was also doing yard work. When Josie stepped on the 2X2 foot cover to their septic tank, the cover collapsed and Josie fell into the nearly-full, eight-foot deep tank. Thomas saw this and immediately ran over to the tank. He tried to pull the panicked Josie out, but couldn’t. Thomas Vander Woude then slipped himself into the septic tank to help his son. A workman who was at their house at the time saw what happened and told Mrs. Vander Woude who called 911 immediately. Both the workman and Mrs. Vander Woude then ran outside to help. Thomas was in the tank, treading the sewage, trying to lift Josie up so that the workman and his wife could get a grasp on him and lift him out. It wasn’t working.

Thomas Vander Woude then made the decision to take his last breath on this earth, dove under the surface of the sewage and pinned himself under his son so that Josie’s head was above the surface and he could breathe until the rescue crews arrived. Thomas Vander Woude drowned without struggling in human sewage saving the life of his developmentally disabled son. His last moments were in the total blackness of the bottom of a septic tank, with a combination of urine, feces and wastewater rushing into his mouth, down his windpipe and into his lungs. I am hard-pressed to imagine a more physically filthy demise. Or a more terribly beautiful one. The tears that are welling up in your eyes right about now are the proof of that.

So, what do you think? Was Thomas Vander Woude’s death “ritually clean”? How do you think a musloid imam would address this situation if put before him hypothetically? Do you think that “allah” would allow a man into “paradise” who drowned in human sewage saving a son that islam considers to be non-human and would have been murdered at birth? But then, there is no “allah”, only a sick, twisted political cult comprised of sick, twisted, perverted men.

Christ, on the other hand, is Real. Not only is He real, but He was there, in the septic tank with Thomas Vander Woude. Christ knows all about diving into tanks of shit, because that is exactly what He did for us. He was literally born in shit, in a cave that acted as a shelter for livestock. The floors were covered in shit, as were the walls. Don’t think that wasn’t symbolic and carefully planned by Him. You don’t think He could have worked it out so that there was one room left at the inn? Sure He could have – but He specifically chose the shit. He chose the shit because humanity fell into the septic tank, and we are all, every single one of us, drowning in our own shit. We just call it “sin”. The funny thing is, most of us don’t feel Jesus underneath us, holding us up. It just feels like we are standing on a solid base. You know why? Because like Thomas Vander Woude, Our Blessed Lord isn’t struggling. He isn’t squirming or flailing as He sucks our shit into his lungs. He’s just down there, supporting us, holding us up, drowning in our shit, with more solidity than the foundations of the earth, so that we can have life. I reckon the challenge in day-to-day life is to never delude one’s self into thinking that we are standing on the bottom of the tank and holding ourselves up. We aren’t. That’s Our Blessed Lord down there, whether or not we perceive it, or even believe it.

Remember this the next time you hear some musloid waxing philosophical on ritually clean death and admission criteria to “allah’s paradise”. And don’t belittle Christ, His Incarnation and His Sacrifice by encouraging such stupidity of thought. The fates of men’s souls aren’t trivia, and it sure as heck isn’t a game of tag played with pork products. Shooting someone with a pork-coated bullet doesn’t make you the judge of mankind, determining who goes to hell and who doesn’t. That task belongs to Christ and Christ alone, since it is Christ and Christ alone who has willingly drowned in the shit of every human being. And for that we should feel nothing but gratitude.

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The word “shit” is used very intentionally and without apology in order to convey the brutal reality and enormity of the Incarnation and Passion. People used to understand this – before Superfun Rockband church turned Christianity into an effeminate, intellectually insipid pablum of narcissistic neo-pagan self-absorption, materilism, and mind-numbingly bad “entertainment”.